내 머리 속의 지우개, REMEMBER

OH MY GOSH!!

Seriously, i need to apologize to my readers for not been updating my blog for ages long. I'm so sorry. I have been really busy concentrating on my studies.Along the way, there are so many things happened. The good and the bad.

It must be disappointing to return to my blog to see nothing newly written there. My fellow readers have been asking me to update my blog, and therefore your wish has finally come true.

Today i am talking about SUGAR DADDY~ Yes.. why did i choose such topics today?

Few days ago when i was checking my profiles i received a very great offer which at eye glance you can't resist. The mail states like this.

Hello

How are you?

I am sugar daddy who looking for slim young man like you to be my sugar son. I am interested with you, and wish to offer you RM10,000 to exchange 5 times of sex from you. If you interested with it, do reply me.

Thanks.

Sorry....wrong channel...any way, thanks for your times......

ha ha ha.....you are such a HOLY and GODLY man....

As for me, I am very clear with my offer....that is cash and sex....I am not interested with happiness....If I need romantics time, I can talk to my sweet BF....

As for new sex need....I can use my cash to buy new ass hole to fuck with....
What for to spend time to talk....wasted my time....Any way...pls end it here....need no reply...thanks

What do you feel when you read the newspaper 2 days ago? If you know what i mean, if you did your catching up on the news.


Good news keep coming up and we can make a difference in the world. I am happy to extend my heartiest congratulations to Oyoung, whose real name is Ngeo Boon Lin, an openly gay Malaysian-born, New York-based author and pastor, is set to marry his Broadway musical producer boyfriend this month or in early September with ceremonies planned in New York and Malaysia with his partner Phineas Newborn III.

A day before the that Penny Wong a Malaysian expects a baby with her partner in Australia. How about that? A double joy??? It is indeed. A great news that we Malaysia are hitting the headlines again. I love it


Congratulations to all. My warmest of all. ^^

If you are smart,when you saw the picture you might thought that i will be posting a post regarding on the newest shocking scandal of the News International phone hacking scandal for the past few days.

It is an ongoing controversy involving the News of the World tabloid and allegations that individuals working for the newspaper engaged in phone hacking. Further revelations were made that they involved far more but obtained information in further illicit ways including making payments to police officers; that it exercised improper influence on politicians and the police; and that other British newspapers were involved in similar activities.

Advertiser boycott contributed to the closure of the News of the World, which published its final edition on 10 July 2011 after 168 years of publication.

However, today's topic i am not talking about that. Actually i am wondering now, how does my reader reads the news paper. There's a lot of things can be said about a person personality when he/she reads the newspaper.

How do you read the news paper?

Normally i will segregate out the sections. For example, The Star, i will pull out the Star Two, The Metro, and the Main section out. After that i will read them in order with the rest kept at the side. First i will tackle the entertainment corners like cartoon section and the screen show, followed with the rest in Section Two, moving to Star Metro, then reading the international news, business section then lastly the local news.

I don't read the sports section except once in every 4 years for only OLYMPIC. LOL

That's my order of reading the newspaper. Most of the time, i will hold the newspaper and read but rarely i would place it on the table to read.

I would least read the news paper twice so that i would not left any news or updates. I don't really like to read online as is just complicated and i just love to flip the pages.

How about you guys?
Do you guy segregate or not?
Read it from the front or beginning it from the front?
Tell me.

Her: Hi, have i talk to you before?

Me: Erm, no ( what? you have memory loss is it?)

Her: I come from the charity stall there if you know about it.

Me: Yes. ( The stall is so big, i could see it with my bare eyes)

Her: You want to buy this cup of corn? Is for charity.

Me: No thanks, i'm having lunch now as you can see.

Her: You can save it for dinner.

Me: No thanks. (what the hell. save it for dinner? can spoil you know idiot)

I wonder why must anyone reveal what they wear.. to that extent.. i just can't understand which part of it is fashionable to wear a pants that drops to that extent and as you walk it just feels like any moment it will drops off.

As i was eating my lunch, and there i saw. My hands just are so itchy, so i took the picture.

If it is a branded wear, alright i don't mind to admire and look. Yup.

What do you think about it people? What about your thoughts?
What if a hot guy wears it? Lol

After talking about the etiquette in the gym, now i will move on to talk about the etiquette in the sauna and steam today.

As you all now, usual in gym there will be a lot of hanky-panky, poking, fucking session happening behind the closed curtain in the shower as well in sauna or steam. That i can't say much because your testosterone will be running at its highest level after your gym session and then comes the guy who fits the bill, you ended up breaking free with your body, releasing the tension.

So normally do tend to ignore because in the contract you have signed anything out of the gym responsibility, all other things is on you. So can't complain much about it because they can't possibly do anything about it. Do understand. So practice the technique of "close one eye" if you are uncomfortable with it. Anyway do flatter if there is a picking up session happening on you.
It sends signal that you are hot.

Gyms don’t post “dos and don’ts,” but there are unwritten rules for members to follow which you have to observe.


Secondly, what i don't get is why on earth you will have to wear your work out pants into the sauna or steam. If its clean specially for the sauna or steam session is still acceptable if you are shy to wrap just with a towel, but if its after with the sweat from workout and its smelly, please kindly do not wear it. It just makes the whole steam or sauna smelly. It's for everyone not only you.

As well as slipper. Why slipper into the sauna or steam?

Thirdly do remember to close the door when you leave. Don't just leave it open.

Don't hog the sauna or steam all by yourself. I have an experience where this guy is gay who i assume are looking for fun always and doesn't like people to use the sauna when he is using it. He didn't say anything but the attitude and the effect of the "tsk" as you come in and shut the door loudly is very annoying. I have been very very very patient and tends to ignore him. I feel like want to smack him in the face and says "you don't own the gym"

For the case in locker, if you knew you had a sweaty feet, please don't leave your sock outside. The unbearable smell. Put it away into a plastic bag, cloth bag, or into anything. Same applicable to the gym clothes.

Do understand as well that your locker space is your space. Try to manage your things at your locker space. Try not to occupy 3 to 4 locker space when you are taking your stuff out and leaving it there. Just so inconsiderate. If you can’t fit all of your personal possessions into one locker, you’re probably bringing too much. The lockers, benches, sinks, and showers are for everyone’s use, so hogging more than your fair share of the resources puts others at an inconvenience. Taking up multiple lockers, monopolizing an entire changing bench, or leaving your bags strewn on the floor while you work out or shower just gets in other people’s way. The polite thing to do is to make space for all.

Don't loiter. Yes, there’s a custodial staff, but if they have to spend all their time picking up towels from the floor, cleaning trash out of lockers, and removing hair clogs from the shower, then they won’t have time to do more important tasks like stocking fresh towels and keeping things clean and sanitary. With so many people coming in and out, showering, and beautifying, there’s bound to be enough work for the custodians without them having to pick up the things that members can’t be bothered to dispose of. There are plenty of laundry bins and garbage cans, so don’t be afraid to use them. Your mother doesn’t work there neither do the members who have to clean the trash after you use it.

I am wondering when do some people get a lesson on gym etiquette.

After my work out yesterday, i went back to my closet and i found a white short stinky pants in front of my locker. I look around and seem there were no other lockers in use.

So i have to use my own hands push the stinky pants aside and its not really clean.

To all PEOPLE out there please be respectful and remember your normal basic etiquette. If you are new in gym there are few etiquette that i will like you all to remember and don't do this.

Normally all the equipments, pads, mats will be cleaned and disinfectant after gym hours or during non-peak hours. So don't go on and thinking is dirty, take a disinfectant of yours and spray on it. It will leave it only attracting more dirt's and germs when you used it and by others.

If you have finished the equipment you can actually use your own towel provided to wipe off the handles. If there is other user tell you to wipe them after using it, its just an etiquette. Don't get offended. It's their right.

Another thing is, don't hog on the machine far too long. Going to gym means you have a target level of fitness you want to achieve, hence work it out. Don't just sit there and be idle after doing few set. Respect others who wants to use it.

Concentrate at your workout. Try not to talk on the phone out loud in the workout area, playing with your phone, keeping you distracted and nonsense shit. Keep your phone away or put it in silent mood.

If you are newbie, don't try go and ask people or trainer how to use. It's a dumb question. You would want to know the right technique to use it not, how to use. Basic information and picture is provided on the equipment its self. Read!! I would advice that its better to get a few trial with the trainer in gym once, or use the free trial provided effectively. In that way you will learn it.

Support belt. Those are normally use for wight lifters or people who carries more weight higher than their own weights. Its to support their back. Unless you are, then please don't use it.

Lastly, gym is to work out and getting to your target. So if you sense competitiveness, just brush it off. You are you. Don't care what people says or look at you. Remember, gym is not a really a place for you to socialize and make friends, more not a place for gossip with the tai-tai's. In the long run you will eventually make friends.

I have said enough. So be hitting gym soon. Hope i won't come across with this again.

Busy has our schedule filled up. Me, busy with my study (even in weekend classes) and work, he with his work projects. We starts not to call each other frequently anymore as we used too even includes sms. Don't even mention meeting up. After a long while, i felt that we have distanced apart.

Every time we talked through the phone, we became strangers. Is like the casual normal talk where we say hi and asking how is the condition of the life now. After that, came the silence. Paused. Then the sound of yawning either from my side or his, or the television filling the empty background just like when you are put on hold to direct you or ending up by him asking me to go to bed to sleep.


I have tried so much to make it work but it didn't. The conversation just won't roll.

I missed everything about him.
I missed how he make me laughed when im in not a good mood.
I missed how he bullied or teased me occasionally.
I missed how his broad shoulder felt like when i leaned on him.
I missed the feeling of holding his hands.
I missed the sound of his laughter.
I missed how he got jealous.
I just missed every bits and pieces of him.

How can it turned into such way? We were previously happy together. Laughing. Joking. Caring for each other. I need you. Seriously. I wish i could turn back time and just stop at tha period of time.

I even missed how he plug his cable into my modem. The connection. Urgh!

The topic for today will be ginger. Yes! Ginger. Do you know ginger is good for your health? In many ways, for blood circulation, for nausea and many more. They say the older the ginger the better it is.

i like old ginger.

You must be kidding right? Topic is about ginger. I was just pulling your leg. Today topic is indeed about old ginger. Old ginger direct translated to Chinese is "Lau Jiang". What does it mean?

Literally is old ginger but another meaning was older men. Yes. I like older guys. I dated younger ones and the same age as mine but the results of the relationships was horrible. I wanted to have a stable relationship with its normal ups and down, yet the other party are just playing around. So tak ngam... clash.. break up.. sad.. cry.. hide in the corner..

The cycle continues like that for 3 times. Then i met someone i holds truly for more than a year now. I hope it will still continue forever in my hearts but now it appears that we have distanced away from each other. Haiz~~

Anyway, the reason i like older guys was because of their maturity, the depth of their thinking, the quality of the talks i had with them, and don't mention the experience they had in bed. LOL!
Older guys in my books are not 3-5 years gap, but extended to 10 years more even.

Mind you, not all old guys look like the one in the picture. Old, Ugly, Sag, and Aged to the extent if i stand besides them, i can called him "Gong Gong"

hi cutie.. eek

If there is any like that, i might run away to the other realm.

The ones that i met were young looking "awet muda" especially a guy called Damien. I met him for lunch together and i was shocked to see him. He make me fly. LOL! Anyway i do know how i am going to be like in another 18 Years. Just like him.

Most of them are fit, presentable, gentlemen, and yup... all of that make me attracted to them. The most important thing is "Brains with wits attracts me" not longer the physical or looks.
If they do come with it, than is a perfect package... and I LIKE!!!
NGO CHIP SAU HMM DOU LORH!

How about you? What type of ginger you like??

For the past weeks beginning from 21st of May, my world collapsed and i need to stay strong. I patched them up by myself piece by piece of the broken hearts. Seeing her cry makes me sad but there's nothing i can do but to comfort her and to be there with her. Hold her hands and wrap my arms around her shoulder as she buried her teary face into her dried palms.

I knew that these day will come when we got the news that he could no longer live anymore. I could hear her cry on the phone when i was in the bedroom. It was messy up in my head that time.

With a given short period of time, we as family try to make his life as full as we can. My mom has nothing to offer but to give some money to him to get some of the things that he loves to eat. It was not much but he did not want to receive. He was my "Da Gu". My big uncle.


Out of the nine siblings, my mom was the eldest of all and he was the second. I still remember every time he will feed his two dogs after work. Carries them to clinics when they were sick. No complaints even it was hardship in his life. He work it out. He was the kind, innocent and pure as he believes in everyone even stranger and people who had cheated him or take advantage of his position. He never hold grudges to anyone nor even you can say angry or mad. It was never in his life. Just happy. My mom used to tell stories of how she took care all of the siblings by her own.The last week of his life were lying on the hospital bed, having difficulty in his breathing, cant eat as his throat is painful. Cant eat much nor drink much. His body was really skinny to the extent that his bone shoulder can be seen. It was unbearable to see. I just stood beside my mom as she starts to tear away.

We went there almost every night without fail for the past week and even my finals is next week i fret to not go in me but i still went. Thinking is a journey that my god wants me to got through and my brother nor father could handle my mom. So i went thinking is best for me to go for my mom. Hence i went.

Till the day he left the hospital to the day he went back to his home. The very next day we received a call from the home nurse saying he having difficulty in breathing. My mom called my brother to come and fetch, i turned my head to my mum "We just walk there as fast as possible." Our grandma home is just very near. So we apparently almost ran there and my brother caught us half way, he drives us through.

We step in the family hall heading to his room, we already heard popo crying loudly. The nurse came to us and said "He just passed away." My mom cried and yelled " Ah Wee! Why you didnt wait for me to come? How could you just go like that? I ran here."

My first reaction was "Harh!" and my eyes was filled with tears immediately but i swallowed it as hard as possible and helped my mom in her grieving. My question was same as my mom. Why?

I direct her to the sofa seat and just see her cried by her side while i hold her hands.

The moment was unbearable. I couldn't cry even when i was in my room. Just couldn't. Tears just couldn't come gushing out.

3 days for the funeral and all i could do best is to help out folding money paper as much as i could non stop for my uncle to use in the other world. Hoping and praying that he would be in peace and cross safely into the other world.

Seeing my other uncle cried as we walked with the procession, as the casket went into the burning chamber.. my tears just flow out. Like that... and as day passes, my mom still misses him.

We do. I do.

I was at the Summit the other day having a dinner with my family in a restaurant after sending my bag for a repair. I was seating facing into the shop and i noticed at the left side at about 45degree angle one of the guy was looking at me.

While i eat, at the corner of my eye, i could see that he kept taking a glance to look at me. I just pretended to not notice. He stands up and went to the cashier to pay. After that he left with another partner of his (the pink shirt). They were having dinner together.

Yeah! I took the picture cause i bumped into him twice.. and the way he walked and looked at me.. totally GAY and his partner as well!! They walk to KONG WOH TONG to get the heat cool down after seeing me?? Just kidding.. Jeez kinda feel im someone who always post these as well.. LOL..


Yikes.. my first time doing this somemore.. LOL...

On the last Friday, everything seems to go wrong and i mean terribly wrong. It was the full moon.
It was not a normal full moon. It was a special full moon. It effected me in a different way that i could not have imagine.

In fact, I didn't turn into a werewolf where my shirts all ripped off and i starts to grow hair, growl at the top of home bumbung... No. Not that.


It was in fact whatever i touches, or uses that day it is spoiled. I carried my bag and one thing after that it snapped. Then i wear slipper, it snapped as well. Turn on my lap top, blank screen. Hard disk spoiled after confirming with my older brother. Ear phone no sound as well.

The full moon was too powerful to me. Too evil.

Cant get any worst than that right? Well my mom argued with my 2nd brother which i now proudly to referred him as a "bastard chauvinist shit guy on the earth who doesn't dare to admit on earth". Its like Armageddon in the home. I will have a post about that bastard don't worry.

Luckily when i touch myself i didn't get spoiled. I'm still alive. Fuh!

Let me introduce you all to him. His name is Txawjvam Hawj! A hmong but raised and brought in the States.

American name is Calvin Her.
Age: 18
DOB:29 September 1993

Few picture of this charming cutie here.. I just cant stop myself from Awww~~

His video in youtube. Check it out.

Watch this if you haven't. Quite funny to watch to me. Seeing the groom stuck in between trying to resolve the quarrel of the fight i can say.

I remembered i had a very quite interesting conversation with a guy. Lets call him Mr. He is in one of my msn list. For a very long time in msn, quite a lot of unknown people adding me up to my list and i just add them up. Anyway they dont cause any harm as i rarely log into my msn.

So Mr is quite new to the scene and apparently 18 years old only. So there was a sudden hi from him and i was like "Who are you?" and thus the chat begins.

He wants to meet me up for a sex and so well i didn't say yes but dodged the question. His sexually deprived mode was on all the things i talked.

I says: slap*

Mr. says: S&M sex begins

I says: sweat

Mr. says:I love sweaty sex Mmmmmm

I says:chill

Mr. says:Chill sex not cool


Jeez.... You see what i mean now.. So i asked him straight away about why you just like to have sex with men is it and holds no feelings for them. Just the fun and go. Well his answer was this.

Mr. says:
Yeah
I'm not really into the gay scene
I just find having sex with men hotter and easier
Like it or not, men are always hornier than women
So easier to get laid
Also
Sex with men is just sensual.

There's an old saying that goes, "Money makes the world go around." If you think about it, this statement is – well – on the money.



In life i felt that there are a lot of ugly truth out there that people seemed to dodge about it when it came out. The pursuit of Perfection becomes hand in hand with monetary. Nothing seems to be valuable if it could not be attached by a monetary value. How sick could it be?

Thats the truth. Money is everything. No money cant do nothing. Am i right? Life is so stress... GEK SEI!!

My mom always say.. "Bo lui bei gong oui, bei gia tau,gu eh ho lang kua, ho long har." How far is this statement hold? I do believe these statement, as i seen society at large they still despise the homeless, beggars, the poors', the mostly unfortunate ones. When we will strive to make a difference? A little help wont harm. Such as giving them a meal... I cant blame anyone with their principle and value that they holds. It is because of the surroundings that shaped them.

Anyway the reason why i was touching about this topic, was while i browsed through some news and was shocked that they did this because of money. They let it rule over their dignity and morality.


How shocking! Most people in the world are placed in pre-conventalist morality thinking. What's pre conventalist? They are typical conventalist that seeks for the term of rewards, penalty or punishment and not worrying whether the act would be found out or not in making decisions. Kohlberg model theory.

Even the underlying morality their are doing is for the purpose of medical/sperm banks but you dont have to really hired females to masturbate for them. Is like how company uses child labour which some countries deemed it to be unethical. Same morality applicable to the picture above.

What says you? Free hot sexy nurse male masturbate for you?

My answer " Ehh.. nope."

After all the months, i have a lot of things to update to my readers. Felt so sorry for not updating any at all as many unfortunate events happened during the course of the 3 months. Am glad that most of it ended well while the balancing ones always rises at some occasions.

Aspect of my life in building a good relationship with family and friends, studies, work related, passing of a family, my love relationship has not been really good for that period.

Now as my professional exam has ended, i can go wild back again like how i am as always. Comforting myself believing everything has a reason for it and i do appreciate it as i can see how i handle the conflicts and how mature i grew when i think back.

I might look really young proven with the overrated usage of "how old are you?' by the first time people, but at this age i think way ahead and do not represent the way of a person at my age does. So don't let the book judged by its cover.

As i am now back in track, you can expect a lot of things posted up here so be ready and start your engine. I'm ready are you??

Gosh.. been nearly a month for not posting anything.
I'm sorry my dear fellow readers. You must have been disappointed to the max every time logging into the blog and found nothing updated right?

Well i have been missing for the past weeks was because i'm very busy with my work and also my studies as well. I made a promised to myself everyday.

Well eventually i did not keep the promise. This is what happen when you procrastinate. Come back home at 10pm and got so tired after class eventually bed is the only thing you have in mind. Tell myself to update tomorrow, then next day and then the very next day.

Next thing you know, you didn't type a single word in this blog. I'm guilty as charged here. Guys punish me!

Well in the process of procrastination, i missed yesterday valentine day. Yup! Damn and begone me~ Anyway i do hope all my fella readers do have an enjoyable one.
Chinese New Year.

Spent my new year break holidaying in melaka with my family and of course got a lots of food in the jonker street. Shared it with my beloved friends. As well as the other usual stuff of prayers, and guess what even is Chinese new year, I'm very lazy to get up from the bed.

I'm getting old i guess despite being 21 only.

Study.

Yes and i have to study and revise during my 4 days break. With standards. Constant revision or not i will die.

I have to be a consultant for this paper.


Dinner with Jared mom.

Yes, this year is actually my first time got to have a New Year dinner with a friend. Best of all is my very best friend i can consider. 2 years only have passed but i felt i know him so longer than that period. So well enough.

Its a fun dinner with his mom and also Jason Low. Yes you all know.

Ain't that picture above cute? I drew all of that and the writings are by Jason. A little souvenir for the family before we left the home.

Wishing to everyone especially readers, A happy Chinese New Year.

May all of you be blessed with great health and come the rest along. (/^o^)/


Drive safely everyone. GONG XI FA CAI!!!

this is a post response to Jason ARGHHHH!! blog post.

Incident #1

*look into the mirror*
*saw tummy*

*stand on the weighing scale*
*the scale pointed at freaking >5okg*

Well last week, Jared and i together with another friend went for a movie and decided to watch Paranormal Activity2.

My review was in three words. Fuck the hell.

It was scary shit. I watch the first sequel and was bored to death. However in this case, part 2 was way momentum building, lesser chitty chat story talking, more nights clip available and it is nerve wracking.

Everyone in the cinema was shouting and i was screaming too out of shock. So beware people.

Don't watch it alone. I got traumatized.

Paramount Pictures has given the green light to begin production of Paranormal Activity 3. It is planned to be in theaters on October 21, 2011. Anyone???

I was literally sick and my whole body just collapse due to the late hour of sleep, keep eating food and keeping up with my active lifestyle. Now i am so glad that is holiday so that i can recuperate from all the busy schedule i had.

Lg know i am sick and i felt something amiss already as he was more caring now days and messaged me sometimes suddenly. Maybe because of the hinting i gave him? Well.. anyway the conversation goes,

Lg: lp getting better already? muack*

Me: Still sick. Coughing heavily. Don't kiss lp unless you want to get sick as well.

Lg: Then fuck can ma? (O_O)

Me:Now?

Lg: Now kiss?

Me:Cannot kiss now. Fuck can loh. Lp there long time unservice jorh. Fuck now.

Lg:Got spider web there d not? keke*

Me: (+___+)


Out of many things, he choose spider web. Why on earth spider web? Amazon or bush is ok. But spider web???

I guess his home need to be cleaned again by me. Damn!!!

Despite my busy scheduling, juggling work with my studies in full and part time, i try to squeeze in my gym routine into it and try to have at least 8 hours of sleep. (till now couldn't)

Anyway when i was in gym, i just couldn't resist my eyes on certain point and could not stop figuring how on earth do some guys get that. In fact my eyes would burned everytime i looked at them. In the gym also, my eyes would just melted away if there are hot guys there.

Back to the story, how on earth? It sag just like women.

Some are just so flabby like that picture. Just wouldn't want to feel how is it.

Enjoy people. I mean errr.... not that.

Shit been not posting anything and is because i am BUSY!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~

When is my free time??? T______________________T

The first post for new year. Well i hope that everyone had a great celebration yesterday night for the countdown.

As for me, i slept my way through the new year and got disturbed by the messages alert sent by my friends and phone calls from my girlfriend. Can you all leave me alone?? LOL.. just joking.
I appreciate for the new year messages.

What you all do in the new year? As for me, i did my first new year jo, my ever first shocking confession of love from a guy friend of mine. I was literally (O0O).. speechless through the phone.

What i remembered from the conversation was a bit everywhere because i was asleep and i guess he was a bit drunk from his voice.

"Hey david, happy new year leh..*something, something* you know i had crushed on you till now?"

I was " Hi *name*, are you drunk?"

"I drank of course to ease my loneliness, i'm hurting seeing you....*something*"

I went..... All i can say what i feel was like a bombshell just hit right on top of me. Blasted into pieces of four corners in my bed room.
What i do? I hung up and went back to sleep. Don't want to think too much and i can't do anything about it for now. Yes im cold blooded. You might say "oh, pity boy.."

What am i going to do?
The ever best advice i was given by Singaporean slut friend to date was " Be with him. If he is fine that you had a boyfriend. He don't know marh ok larh"

More trouble....Damn you!

Move to my study, i got a very busy schedule to having a night classes and packed classes in the January. I have to struggle a bit. Haiz~~

Well anyway, wishing everyone A VERY GREAT NEW YEAR AHEAD. May the year blessed with lots of love and need no more of mistletoe.


Love you all so much. Please leave your advice.
Tell me what am i supposed to do?