내 머리 속의 지우개, REMEMBER

Busy has our schedule filled up. Me, busy with my study (even in weekend classes) and work, he with his work projects. We starts not to call each other frequently anymore as we used too even includes sms. Don't even mention meeting up. After a long while, i felt that we have distanced apart.

Every time we talked through the phone, we became strangers. Is like the casual normal talk where we say hi and asking how is the condition of the life now. After that, came the silence. Paused. Then the sound of yawning either from my side or his, or the television filling the empty background just like when you are put on hold to direct you or ending up by him asking me to go to bed to sleep.


I have tried so much to make it work but it didn't. The conversation just won't roll.

I missed everything about him.
I missed how he make me laughed when im in not a good mood.
I missed how he bullied or teased me occasionally.
I missed how his broad shoulder felt like when i leaned on him.
I missed the feeling of holding his hands.
I missed the sound of his laughter.
I missed how he got jealous.
I just missed every bits and pieces of him.

How can it turned into such way? We were previously happy together. Laughing. Joking. Caring for each other. I need you. Seriously. I wish i could turn back time and just stop at tha period of time.

I even missed how he plug his cable into my modem. The connection. Urgh!

The topic for today will be ginger. Yes! Ginger. Do you know ginger is good for your health? In many ways, for blood circulation, for nausea and many more. They say the older the ginger the better it is.

i like old ginger.

You must be kidding right? Topic is about ginger. I was just pulling your leg. Today topic is indeed about old ginger. Old ginger direct translated to Chinese is "Lau Jiang". What does it mean?

Literally is old ginger but another meaning was older men. Yes. I like older guys. I dated younger ones and the same age as mine but the results of the relationships was horrible. I wanted to have a stable relationship with its normal ups and down, yet the other party are just playing around. So tak ngam... clash.. break up.. sad.. cry.. hide in the corner..

The cycle continues like that for 3 times. Then i met someone i holds truly for more than a year now. I hope it will still continue forever in my hearts but now it appears that we have distanced away from each other. Haiz~~

Anyway, the reason i like older guys was because of their maturity, the depth of their thinking, the quality of the talks i had with them, and don't mention the experience they had in bed. LOL!
Older guys in my books are not 3-5 years gap, but extended to 10 years more even.

Mind you, not all old guys look like the one in the picture. Old, Ugly, Sag, and Aged to the extent if i stand besides them, i can called him "Gong Gong"

hi cutie.. eek

If there is any like that, i might run away to the other realm.

The ones that i met were young looking "awet muda" especially a guy called Damien. I met him for lunch together and i was shocked to see him. He make me fly. LOL! Anyway i do know how i am going to be like in another 18 Years. Just like him.

Most of them are fit, presentable, gentlemen, and yup... all of that make me attracted to them. The most important thing is "Brains with wits attracts me" not longer the physical or looks.
If they do come with it, than is a perfect package... and I LIKE!!!
NGO CHIP SAU HMM DOU LORH!

How about you? What type of ginger you like??

For the past weeks beginning from 21st of May, my world collapsed and i need to stay strong. I patched them up by myself piece by piece of the broken hearts. Seeing her cry makes me sad but there's nothing i can do but to comfort her and to be there with her. Hold her hands and wrap my arms around her shoulder as she buried her teary face into her dried palms.

I knew that these day will come when we got the news that he could no longer live anymore. I could hear her cry on the phone when i was in the bedroom. It was messy up in my head that time.

With a given short period of time, we as family try to make his life as full as we can. My mom has nothing to offer but to give some money to him to get some of the things that he loves to eat. It was not much but he did not want to receive. He was my "Da Gu". My big uncle.


Out of the nine siblings, my mom was the eldest of all and he was the second. I still remember every time he will feed his two dogs after work. Carries them to clinics when they were sick. No complaints even it was hardship in his life. He work it out. He was the kind, innocent and pure as he believes in everyone even stranger and people who had cheated him or take advantage of his position. He never hold grudges to anyone nor even you can say angry or mad. It was never in his life. Just happy. My mom used to tell stories of how she took care all of the siblings by her own.The last week of his life were lying on the hospital bed, having difficulty in his breathing, cant eat as his throat is painful. Cant eat much nor drink much. His body was really skinny to the extent that his bone shoulder can be seen. It was unbearable to see. I just stood beside my mom as she starts to tear away.

We went there almost every night without fail for the past week and even my finals is next week i fret to not go in me but i still went. Thinking is a journey that my god wants me to got through and my brother nor father could handle my mom. So i went thinking is best for me to go for my mom. Hence i went.

Till the day he left the hospital to the day he went back to his home. The very next day we received a call from the home nurse saying he having difficulty in breathing. My mom called my brother to come and fetch, i turned my head to my mum "We just walk there as fast as possible." Our grandma home is just very near. So we apparently almost ran there and my brother caught us half way, he drives us through.

We step in the family hall heading to his room, we already heard popo crying loudly. The nurse came to us and said "He just passed away." My mom cried and yelled " Ah Wee! Why you didnt wait for me to come? How could you just go like that? I ran here."

My first reaction was "Harh!" and my eyes was filled with tears immediately but i swallowed it as hard as possible and helped my mom in her grieving. My question was same as my mom. Why?

I direct her to the sofa seat and just see her cried by her side while i hold her hands.

The moment was unbearable. I couldn't cry even when i was in my room. Just couldn't. Tears just couldn't come gushing out.

3 days for the funeral and all i could do best is to help out folding money paper as much as i could non stop for my uncle to use in the other world. Hoping and praying that he would be in peace and cross safely into the other world.

Seeing my other uncle cried as we walked with the procession, as the casket went into the burning chamber.. my tears just flow out. Like that... and as day passes, my mom still misses him.

We do. I do.

I was at the Summit the other day having a dinner with my family in a restaurant after sending my bag for a repair. I was seating facing into the shop and i noticed at the left side at about 45degree angle one of the guy was looking at me.

While i eat, at the corner of my eye, i could see that he kept taking a glance to look at me. I just pretended to not notice. He stands up and went to the cashier to pay. After that he left with another partner of his (the pink shirt). They were having dinner together.

Yeah! I took the picture cause i bumped into him twice.. and the way he walked and looked at me.. totally GAY and his partner as well!! They walk to KONG WOH TONG to get the heat cool down after seeing me?? Just kidding.. Jeez kinda feel im someone who always post these as well.. LOL..


Yikes.. my first time doing this somemore.. LOL...

On the last Friday, everything seems to go wrong and i mean terribly wrong. It was the full moon.
It was not a normal full moon. It was a special full moon. It effected me in a different way that i could not have imagine.

In fact, I didn't turn into a werewolf where my shirts all ripped off and i starts to grow hair, growl at the top of home bumbung... No. Not that.


It was in fact whatever i touches, or uses that day it is spoiled. I carried my bag and one thing after that it snapped. Then i wear slipper, it snapped as well. Turn on my lap top, blank screen. Hard disk spoiled after confirming with my older brother. Ear phone no sound as well.

The full moon was too powerful to me. Too evil.

Cant get any worst than that right? Well my mom argued with my 2nd brother which i now proudly to referred him as a "bastard chauvinist shit guy on the earth who doesn't dare to admit on earth". Its like Armageddon in the home. I will have a post about that bastard don't worry.

Luckily when i touch myself i didn't get spoiled. I'm still alive. Fuh!

Let me introduce you all to him. His name is Txawjvam Hawj! A hmong but raised and brought in the States.

American name is Calvin Her.
Age: 18
DOB:29 September 1993

Few picture of this charming cutie here.. I just cant stop myself from Awww~~

His video in youtube. Check it out.

Watch this if you haven't. Quite funny to watch to me. Seeing the groom stuck in between trying to resolve the quarrel of the fight i can say.

I remembered i had a very quite interesting conversation with a guy. Lets call him Mr. He is in one of my msn list. For a very long time in msn, quite a lot of unknown people adding me up to my list and i just add them up. Anyway they dont cause any harm as i rarely log into my msn.

So Mr is quite new to the scene and apparently 18 years old only. So there was a sudden hi from him and i was like "Who are you?" and thus the chat begins.

He wants to meet me up for a sex and so well i didn't say yes but dodged the question. His sexually deprived mode was on all the things i talked.

I says: slap*

Mr. says: S&M sex begins

I says: sweat

Mr. says:I love sweaty sex Mmmmmm

I says:chill

Mr. says:Chill sex not cool


Jeez.... You see what i mean now.. So i asked him straight away about why you just like to have sex with men is it and holds no feelings for them. Just the fun and go. Well his answer was this.

Mr. says:
Yeah
I'm not really into the gay scene
I just find having sex with men hotter and easier
Like it or not, men are always hornier than women
So easier to get laid
Also
Sex with men is just sensual.

There's an old saying that goes, "Money makes the world go around." If you think about it, this statement is – well – on the money.



In life i felt that there are a lot of ugly truth out there that people seemed to dodge about it when it came out. The pursuit of Perfection becomes hand in hand with monetary. Nothing seems to be valuable if it could not be attached by a monetary value. How sick could it be?

Thats the truth. Money is everything. No money cant do nothing. Am i right? Life is so stress... GEK SEI!!

My mom always say.. "Bo lui bei gong oui, bei gia tau,gu eh ho lang kua, ho long har." How far is this statement hold? I do believe these statement, as i seen society at large they still despise the homeless, beggars, the poors', the mostly unfortunate ones. When we will strive to make a difference? A little help wont harm. Such as giving them a meal... I cant blame anyone with their principle and value that they holds. It is because of the surroundings that shaped them.

Anyway the reason why i was touching about this topic, was while i browsed through some news and was shocked that they did this because of money. They let it rule over their dignity and morality.


How shocking! Most people in the world are placed in pre-conventalist morality thinking. What's pre conventalist? They are typical conventalist that seeks for the term of rewards, penalty or punishment and not worrying whether the act would be found out or not in making decisions. Kohlberg model theory.

Even the underlying morality their are doing is for the purpose of medical/sperm banks but you dont have to really hired females to masturbate for them. Is like how company uses child labour which some countries deemed it to be unethical. Same morality applicable to the picture above.

What says you? Free hot sexy nurse male masturbate for you?

My answer " Ehh.. nope."

After all the months, i have a lot of things to update to my readers. Felt so sorry for not updating any at all as many unfortunate events happened during the course of the 3 months. Am glad that most of it ended well while the balancing ones always rises at some occasions.

Aspect of my life in building a good relationship with family and friends, studies, work related, passing of a family, my love relationship has not been really good for that period.

Now as my professional exam has ended, i can go wild back again like how i am as always. Comforting myself believing everything has a reason for it and i do appreciate it as i can see how i handle the conflicts and how mature i grew when i think back.

I might look really young proven with the overrated usage of "how old are you?' by the first time people, but at this age i think way ahead and do not represent the way of a person at my age does. So don't let the book judged by its cover.

As i am now back in track, you can expect a lot of things posted up here so be ready and start your engine. I'm ready are you??