내 머리 속의 지우개, REMEMBER

For the past weeks beginning from 21st of May, my world collapsed and i need to stay strong. I patched them up by myself piece by piece of the broken hearts. Seeing her cry makes me sad but there's nothing i can do but to comfort her and to be there with her. Hold her hands and wrap my arms around her shoulder as she buried her teary face into her dried palms.

I knew that these day will come when we got the news that he could no longer live anymore. I could hear her cry on the phone when i was in the bedroom. It was messy up in my head that time.

With a given short period of time, we as family try to make his life as full as we can. My mom has nothing to offer but to give some money to him to get some of the things that he loves to eat. It was not much but he did not want to receive. He was my "Da Gu". My big uncle.


Out of the nine siblings, my mom was the eldest of all and he was the second. I still remember every time he will feed his two dogs after work. Carries them to clinics when they were sick. No complaints even it was hardship in his life. He work it out. He was the kind, innocent and pure as he believes in everyone even stranger and people who had cheated him or take advantage of his position. He never hold grudges to anyone nor even you can say angry or mad. It was never in his life. Just happy. My mom used to tell stories of how she took care all of the siblings by her own.The last week of his life were lying on the hospital bed, having difficulty in his breathing, cant eat as his throat is painful. Cant eat much nor drink much. His body was really skinny to the extent that his bone shoulder can be seen. It was unbearable to see. I just stood beside my mom as she starts to tear away.

We went there almost every night without fail for the past week and even my finals is next week i fret to not go in me but i still went. Thinking is a journey that my god wants me to got through and my brother nor father could handle my mom. So i went thinking is best for me to go for my mom. Hence i went.

Till the day he left the hospital to the day he went back to his home. The very next day we received a call from the home nurse saying he having difficulty in breathing. My mom called my brother to come and fetch, i turned my head to my mum "We just walk there as fast as possible." Our grandma home is just very near. So we apparently almost ran there and my brother caught us half way, he drives us through.

We step in the family hall heading to his room, we already heard popo crying loudly. The nurse came to us and said "He just passed away." My mom cried and yelled " Ah Wee! Why you didnt wait for me to come? How could you just go like that? I ran here."

My first reaction was "Harh!" and my eyes was filled with tears immediately but i swallowed it as hard as possible and helped my mom in her grieving. My question was same as my mom. Why?

I direct her to the sofa seat and just see her cried by her side while i hold her hands.

The moment was unbearable. I couldn't cry even when i was in my room. Just couldn't. Tears just couldn't come gushing out.

3 days for the funeral and all i could do best is to help out folding money paper as much as i could non stop for my uncle to use in the other world. Hoping and praying that he would be in peace and cross safely into the other world.

Seeing my other uncle cried as we walked with the procession, as the casket went into the burning chamber.. my tears just flow out. Like that... and as day passes, my mom still misses him.

We do. I do.