내 머리 속의 지우개, REMEMBER

Dear Lord,

Why? Why is everything this week? Why all are so coincidence? I don't get it. I totally collapse. I am crying so hard inside my heart now. I cant withstand the tears in my eyes anymore. It just keep flowing. The tears just is streaming down my cheek non stop.

Help me Lord. I pray Lord. You are the light and the salt. I believe everything happens for a reason Lord. I never felt this way before. Why Lord plan it that way?

1.Why Ian Gor is leaving? He is my best Gor in my heart. My ever best. Now he is leaving me. I can never see him again. I CANT SEE HIM ANYMORE. Why? Is not Going to be the same again. I cant see his smile anymore. His korean eyes. I just dont understand. Why Lord takes away me Gor away. Why?

2.My dad. Why you put him to have kidney stones? Why let it grew bigger? I prayed everyday for my family health. Now he had to undergo surgery immediately. LORD WHY? WHY? I can never understand. I leave everything into your hands and you give me all this. LORD!!

3. My failing result. I have no feelings for my result this time. I failed 2/3 paper i took. I cant carry it anymore.

I felt remorseful. I felt it hard to take one shot. It is too hard. Just too hard. Im crying now. I just dont what to do. Why Lord is putting me into this test? I can't go through this. I can't. 2 of my beloved person is in a grave situation for me. Lord.

Lord i prayed Lord that you will sent guardian angel to them.Protect them Lord. They are my love of my life. I willing to let go even myself for them. Lord. Please. You promise us that you will give us what we ask and our joy will be complete. Lord give this child a promise. Lord hold my hands Lord. Don't let go off me. I need to walk it with you. Guide me Lord.
AMEN.

On the 14th February is a very special day to everyone. For me valentine day is not just to love birds but extended to everyone. It is the time of the year, you show your love and expressed special caring to the person that is in your heart. Special then any other day.

I never missed celebrating it and giving roses to my mom. She is so special in my heart. Despite all the hardships she had gone through.. i loved her. I love to see her smile when she reveived the roses from me. Hearing her saying;

"Silly boy, where got people celebrate with mother one?"

Nevertheless it became more special and meaningful for the first time celebrating with my dear.
Prepared for so long, trying the best despite having exam yet he give a scored of 100/1000. Saying there are more room for improvement lol....

Hey people.. well this is actually scheduled post..lol busy to updated.. planning for valentine day and then exam some more this week and plus result coming out this monday.. MY ZEUS!!!

Well here is the time around, my first celebration of valentine with someone special around. How about you? Well don't worry about being alone.. everyone can be your valentine.. what i mean is your family, friends and you yourself... wakaka.. don't rush things lor... singleness is not a curse remember? if you read my previous post...

Anyway for the valentine post, i decides to post this blog... well is more than understanding your partner k? Not destroy K? Understand? Dont miss understand.. hahaha.. i'm so worried.. here it goes..

In research shows that each individual plays a role in a relationship and they are 6 types of love identify in each individuals. The types of love even contributes their character reacting to the love. Example of the love are:

1. ROMANTIC LOVE
This form of love are built from physical attraction. The person would have the tendency into wanting the same identity with the partner such as hobbies, wearing the same clothes, sports, etc. In fact a person who have this form, they knows the true meaning of love and they never under estimate his/her partner.

2.GAME OF LOVE
Lack of responsibilities and communication with the partner and having more than 2 partner at the same time, You should walk away or avoid. This person are not serious and doesn't understand partner deeply. On top of that, did not have a long range planning. Make matter worse, loves freedom and don't like to be controlled.

3.FRIENDSHIP LOVE
This form are built since a long time communication such as childhood friend. The love comes slowly until you realize and don't just come and go.

4.LOGICAL LOVE
This person finds the best partner based on the criteria he/she wants to be with and thir person stand to their rights and never postponed for having a relationship until the true one comes.

5.DOMINATING LOVE.
They tend to not trust their partner, love to take control of the relationship, very selfish and full of jealousy all the time. Next time if you found that your partner is checking you phone calls/sms, browsing your e-mail, ask or follow where you go, you better prepare yourself for the worst. i.e might coming in your house to wreck your house if found guilty.

6.SACRIFICING LOVE
They love to help, understanding and forgiving. Patience is their virtue. But they give love with an open heart without any reason and willing to do anything for him/her. Need to be careful and make sure you doesn't used this form of love too much. Over board can make you suffer after the marriage.

So happy valentine day everyone.. be happy!!!! Spread the love to everyone....

Well i have been reading other blogs most of the time and i found a few of them writes about ugly duckling. Few of them are yannick dtee and and sotong zhai.

So i decided to reveal the ugly side of me.
When i was in primary at the age 12 i weight approximately more than 55kg-60kg. I was chubby a bit. Yup. This is how i look when i was at the age of adolescence.

Before i transform myself, i looked very nerdy. Well way uglier than Henry in UGLY BETTY. I would self proclaim myself a worm booked and study type last time. The equation that forms me way back time is;

No nothing about fashion + self appearance = big time loser
would let mom do the selection of clothes x hair = mommy boy
all i care was all about the studies / scoring A's its in my mind = geeky.

take all the answer and multiply them = worlds biggest loser.


Well "the gay" term did not exist in my dictionary at all. I still remember that i will cut off pictures of guys wearing briefs secretly and hide between the bookshelves. Well that was like way at age 8 or 9 and i did not even know that the stroking thing i did was called "masturbation". I only knew it when i was 15. Cool huh? A stupid me... that's how geeky i was.
I don't even have the bravery in me. I lost my purity when i was 13 when some of the guys i barely knew molest my butt a lot of times when it was in the middle of assembly. Even when i went back to primary to receive an award for academic achievement, a female teacher smack my butt. ( T - T ) Is my butt that sexy?

How i started off?
When one of the days, i was reading newspaper and i came across the section which writes about sgboy.com ( it was back then ) currently now are called trevvy. It was in newspaper "the Star". How it can be in there? So i was curious about it and started to browse the net and be a member. From there i met interesting people, and tha'ts how i started to change.

As a member i have my bit of share also. Coming across phone sex or cyber sex. That was way stupid of me to give in that easily. Well i was young that time. I still remember that i would keep a whole list of the numbers and call them or they call me when they want. I have too many of them that i don't remember my first one. Oppss!!!

I start to lose tremendous weight and when i was back to Form 2, my friends was all amazed how slim i was. I weight about 45kg at that point. Yet still look ugly. In fact uglier..kekeke. I had a very fair skin. TRUE!!

Mom used to drink a lot of soya bean drink when i was in her tummy (^^). So when i was born the nurse told her; (Mom told me)

Nurse: Sayang-ar bukan perempuan.. sangat putih dan cantik
Translation >> So pity not a girl, so fair and beautiful..

Well my mom wanted so much of a girl but came out didi.. hahaha (>-<) I started to pick some of my clothes, reads about fashion - YES and NO for fashion. Last time i dress myself for disaster, but now i dress myself for perfection. My skin colour bring problem to me.. too fair..
Feed backs that i got was good. Friends will ask me "where did i get the clothes from", "You changed", "You look good in it", "WAUU!!" and all the praises. So its worthy.


Yet i still think i had a lot more work to do to change. Everyone got room for a change. Now my resolution is:

1.Now i would want to loose the specs i'm wearing. My friend tell me to loose it. But i have been wearing since pre-school and "blurry visions" runs in my family. My power is way through the roof. (TT) i don't know whether to do it or not. Guys tell me please....!!!!

2.My hair style. I'm still searching the one that suits me. I don't like to wear gels or wax. I precious my hair. Why? All the girls envy me because of my hair. I had a super duper soft hair. A comment i got from my friend when she touch my hair. "Oh my god!! Is is so soft" and she touches it for 5 minutes top.

3.To gain weight. I'm now weight about 4okg. Way too slim. Want to gain back to 50kg. I'm under my very own weight programme..kekeke.. and in one week i already gain 2 kg. That's great. (^^)

Another part is coming up. So stay tune...

This month i am going hiatus. My schedule is making me going crazy. Classes, Studies, Home work, Progress Test, Meetings, Event is driving me to my limits. A little summary of my week without my Lou Po.

2Febuary, Monday
Wake up at 6am. Usually at 5.30am because my brother would be the one who would send me. He went for a holiday trip. So my dad send me on the way working.
Every classes are 3 hours and i had 2 classes. One starting at 8am till11am while the second started at 11.30am till 2.30pm.
Even though the schedule stated this way, usually my classes are out from what it is schedule. Sometimes break for only 5 minutes. If worst, it goes on for 3 straight hour.

3February,Tuesday
Had 3 classes all day. From 8am till 6pm. I lose in battle with the devil of sleepiness at evening.
Too tired and can't even concentrate. Even for lunch i had to rush like a bullet train. By the time i got back home, i am mentally and physically exhausted.

4February,Wednesday
Classes from 2.30pm till 9.30pm. At odd hour time. Even full time student, i had classes at night. I didn't even have a nice dinner. I even fall rushing for night class and hurt my hand. (T-T)

My name was actually not in any of the list name of business english class. So before this i went to the lady in admin and ask her about it and she told me " Wait, more list to come" So i waited till after Chinese New Year and today i went and see her, she told me "Oh, regarding this problem you have to see Mr.Quah"

If you told me the exact thing, i don't have to waited for weeks and missing the classes. I don't have to make the repeating trip to ask you.

How unfortunate and careless i am. I hope it wont leave a scar mark on my hand. Why i pick this course anyway. Got back home at 10pm++ went to sleep at around near 12am.

5February, Thursday
Actually for today, i am totally free but then i had a about 6 hours++ of class pending, waiting for replacement due to my lecturer who are unfit for teaching during the mid of January. Today i had 3 hours at 6.30pm to 9.30pm replacement class.

I'm so tired and tired. Don't know what to say. This month i already foreseeing myself in a disaster state.

I had Progress Test next week and my result for my December 2007 session is releasing out on the 16 February and i have classes too. I don't know whether i can concentrate or not. Its either pass or fail. I didn't even know how i fare in the last exam. haiz ... in addition i had a event coming up in the college which last for one week. dead already...



Lou po, it was nice to hear your voice yesterday night. Talking to you make up for the day and night. My tired was gone. I LOVE YOU!!! I'm sorry if i couldn't spend my day with you for this few week to come. I'm sorry if you felt that i had ignored you. In my heart, you are in my priority.


Never i will forget you. I LOVE YOU!!! FOREVER DO.