내 머리 속의 지우개, REMEMBER

Why my title of this blog is weird? well after spending about 26 days or 624 hours of semester break right after my exact doing exactly of nothingness except for laziness feeling up the tank in my brain, lurking every corner in my home and rotting to every bits while it can last. LOL

Well my 624 hours are spent according to the percentage right here: ( this is what i believe)

55% on internet-addicted to facebook
20% on sleeping-from 10 to 10 next day
15% on puzzles, sudoku in the newspaper
10% on others

That's how i spent my days over. Now i cant believe that i didn't spent on shopping spree like i used to do every time the SALE IS ON!!!!! I wonder why? maybe i don't have mood or just plain bored.

To be exact, 15 minutes for the sale to be over... and OMFG!!!!!(((゜д゜;)))
I haven't get any wear for the prom and after party.

Now another 8 hours 15 minutes to go for the start of my class in college..Haiz
An advice, don't take ACCA because your life will be destroy permenantly... you going to have weekend classes and i do HAVE NOW!!! AHHH!!

Enuff about the randomness of me. I'll post more when i get back. Nite everyone

I haven't update my blog for the past 2 weeks already. I know. I was lazy, and want to enjoy my holiday you know.

As i was about to post, something came up that revamp my whole mood on blogging. I was sad and tired.

I was discriminated harshly and i felt i couldn't bare it anymore, and the thought of ending my life just keep appearing in my mind. 2 days ago my mom asked me this question after she talk to my brother on the phone. Well i heard the conversation and i was prepared that she will asked the "it" question.

She came right out and confronted to me after hanging up the phone. "Are you gay?" she asked. I replied "Why do you suddenly say that?"

In matter of fact, she can't control it anymore and she started to insult me using all the harsh, dirty, nasty words toward me. My hearts shattered into pieces when i heard those words and i swallowed my tears, dare not to say how hurtful i am. It was unbearable yet i have to endure it like i am piece of shit. While she throwing the words i said "I'm Not".

Yar..., you can say i chicken out. Being open to friends are a lot easier than to close families. She said a lot of things than when you heard as a son, it so fatal. TOTAL K.O.

She said these word:

• Why you come back late from college? Creaming with other guys in college is it? Toilet?
• How you play with boys? Teach me.. I'm not educated
• You don't want face, i want... shame on you
• Gau Gay You!!!
• If you do play, I'll die.. let me die.. rather than seeing you..
• I rather loose a son like you, if you were good filial son also i rather not to have you...
• All you friends are problematic, got mental problem
• Mixed with girls go pondan (sissy), with guys go gay
• Don't let me call you gay as a nickname
• Even your relatives, auntie say you look like a girl.. how ashamed i was you know..
• Go become gay whore... duck
• Take your bags and leave this house
  

I was about to hit my head on the wall in front of her. I was so shattered about the accusation she threw to me, and my friends. The way she said it was like i have no dignity at all. It was I'm like a whore. She even tell me to sell my body.

At the same time, i was so mad at her also. Throwing those words, making me want to puke at her. My friends have nothing to do with my sexuality preference. She has always been the "hard to satisfied member" in the family. None of the thing that can satisfied her, she complains, mumble, crap like a non stop recorder. When she is in bad mood, she ventures her anger at me mostly.

I swallowed my tears and stayed strong not to shed any tears on front of her all day.I cried that night. I cried in my room alone. I prayed and cry. It is not i want to be. I didn't want to choose this path to walk. I tried changing but it simply does not work. I only had GOD with me. I pray and i pray...

I was even thinking of the future, will she accept me when i confessed out? will she meet my future boy friend that i love? will she accept the relationship?

will she....?

The story begins with Daigo Kobayashi, a devoted cellist in an orchestra that has just been dissolved and who is suddenly left without a job. Daigo decides to move back to his old hometown with his wife to look for work and start over.

He answers a classified ad entitled "Departures" thinking it is an advertisement for a travel agency only to discover that the job is actually for a "Nokanshi" or "encoffineer," a funeral professional who prepares deceased bodies for burial and entry into the next life.

While his wife and others despise the job, Daigo takes a certain pride in his work and begins to perfect the art of "Nokanshi," acting as a gentle gatekeeper between life and death, between the departed and the family of the departed. The film follows his profound and sometimes comical journey with death as he uncovers the wonder, joy and meaning of life and living.